I Thought I Was Done With That

I came home today to find our eldest daughter, a twenty-one year old college student and nanny, and our third daughter, a high school junior, studying together.

After that horrendous first year at an out-of-state college, and bumpy second year, our eldest was ready to return home. While she shares an off-campus apartment with our second college-student daughter, we thoroughly enjoy the fact they spend most of their free time at our house (even if it is just to eat our food).

Eldest is a young lady, going after her degree and working as an after-school nanny for a kindergartner and pre-schooler who live very near our home.

Since she's come home, she seems to be in a better place emotionally and physically. She's hit her stride. Except for about four dinners a week, she no longer needs me. So, tonight threw me back a bit.

I walked in our home from the garage yelling, "Hello???"

Eldest came busting down the stairs. "ELAINA! {She's been my step-daughter since she was ten}I need to ask you to help me with something!!"

She smiled a smile making me apprehensive about blindly agreeing to offer my help. But, I'm the mom, so without regard for my safety, I agreed.

"The kids came home with lice! I need you to check me for lice!"

Ugh. I found myself in the backyard wearing rubber gloves, picking through her hair with a fine tooth comb.

Nit picking for lice... I thought I was done with that.

The In-Laws Are Coming! The In-Laws Are Coming!

..With friends! Oh, my holy cow...I'm freaking out! So much to do and just hours left before they arrive.

I love my in-laws. They are wonderful people with open hearts and open minds. They readily accepted both me and my daughter into their family. They are truly lovely people.

If it were just them coming I wouldn't feel the need to impress. They are simple, go with the flow, no judgement passed, happy go lucky, let's laugh at everything type of people. It doesn't get any better than them. Growing up, I thought I lived a Beaver Cleaver life with my family. Then I met my in-laws and realized they make my family look like the Bundy's.

It's the friends, they're flying out with... I must impress them {I know...it's a pressure I'm putting upon myself}. The petunias are in the ground. The impatients are in the baskets. The strawberries are in their jar, the duvets have been washed and (crap! I forgot to call the carpet cleaners) the inside of my refrigerator has been cleaned out.

I have one more day to pull it all together. Paperwork needs to be filed away, minivan needs to get washed, closets organized, bed linens changed, and then the whole house will get a good scrubbing from my cleaning ladies. Why must we clean before the cleaning ladies come over? Why?

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While they scrub, I will shop. Grocery shop, that is. Stock up on foods and drinks....and toilet paper. Who wants to run out of TP with guests in the house. Embarrassing. That reminds me...remove embarrassing medications from medicine cabinet. Oh! And hide any gadgets which have the potential to embarrass.

Crappy-dappy, I don't think I'll get it all done.

Did I forget anything?

Co-habitation Tears

I like to consider myself a hip, relaxed, and "with it" type of person rather than a fuddy-duddy, middle-aged woman. I'm pretty easy going. No. Scratch that. I am easy going. I go with the flow. I live and let live. I try very hard not to pass judgement on others. Why waste my time? That's not my job. That's God's and I'm very certain he is much better at it than I am.

Plus, such disdain, disgust, distrust, and general all around negativity just takes too much effort. I simply don't have the energy to be judgemental of others. As long as your not hurting me, my husband, or my children, have a good go at it. Knock yourself out.

So, when two adults decide to co-habitate...no sweat off my back. Have I done it myself? No. Would I? No. But, that's me and my decision. If you want to and you're happy with that situation, I'm happy for you.

However, let's turn back the clock to before I was married the first time around. Do I wish I would've lived with my first husband before saying I do? Hell, YES! But, I didn't and fifteen months after meeting him we were married and I moved in. I stood at that alter knowing I was making a huge mistake. It took me ten years to unravel that one. However, today, I can't call it a mistake...that union brought me a beautiful little girl who I could not live without. So, you can see why I'm completely on the fence on this subject.

So, I'm talking about two adults here. Where I have issues and have a hard time from refraining judgement is when two adults decided to co-habitate with their children from previous marriages/relationships.

humanesociety.org

You'll have to excuse me, because we're having a moment in our house right now which stems directly from the aforementioned living arrangement. LB spent the afternoon balling his eyes out, sobbing uncontrollably at the news that his former "pseudo-step-father" has just turned over his beloved ex-dog to a rescue shelter without timely notification. Why, you ask? The new girlfriend is allergic and gave ex-pseudo-step-father an ultimatum; her or the dog.

She sounds like a peach, doesn't she? (Anyone else besides me see the red flag waving high in the air?)

I had to remind D2 to watch her mouth. I asked she refer to ex-pseudo-step-father as a jerk rather than an a$$#*%@. It's important we hold ourselves to a certain level of decorum around these parts.

We already went through all the break up drama when in 2010 they sold the house they bought together and co-habitated in for almost 5 years. Over a year later, we are still trying to help the kids deal with the fall out of demise of the failed co-habitation. First, we had to help the kids grapple with the loss of  the pseudo-family unit break up, then it was the slow loss of the pseudo-step-brother/sister relationships (I'll be honest- some hurt more than others), then the loss of their house, and now (years later) it's reared it ugly head again with the dog.

Can you feel my frustration? It's the kids, it all about the kids. Must we screw around with their young, little lives, too?

I'll be the first one to tell you divorce sucks. In my head I tried to come up with a more dignified and eloquent way to phrase that sentiment, but there's not. For the kids, I wish my first marriage was successful. For my step-kids, I wish the marriage of their mother and father worked out. The kids deserve that. That is the perfect idealistic life we all strive for. Too bad the idealism is not realism...for the kids. Our kids are great young people who deserve a cohesive family unit.

My heart is filled with sorrow knowing we weren't successful at providing a cohesive family unit for them. So, I do my best by trying to hug LB's tears away. I rub his back, tell him it's okay to cry, and start making phone calls to other family members who might be able to come to our rescue and take the dog. What more can a step-mother do?

I wanted so much to tell the kids that this is why you never co-habitate when kids are involved. However, I think it might be best if I wait for all the tears to dry.

The Beau Hunk Update

Sometimes, as a mother of teen girls, you are simply left shaking your head. There are no words, no comfort a parent can offer or give a teen daughter who seems to flourish in her own drama. In your heart, you want to help the pain go away, however any efforts will be deemed as "butting in" and "none of your business". Teens. Gotta love 'em.

So what's a (step)mother to do? Stand aside. Watch from the shadows. Text "love you"s and make small talk to avoid the big, bad, ghostly Beau Hunk who's sitting in the middle of the room.

Event #1: Beau Hunk still has not left for boot camp. He's still here. Here's where the miscommunication took place... Hubs and I were told he was leaving for boot camp. To us. that means a flight directly to the military check-in. Pardon us for misunderstanding. Apparently, in teen language, it means he was flying out to spend a couple of months with his father before boot camp. Our bad.

Event #2: The night before "shipping out" to his father's, father and son had an altercation over the phone. Beau Hunk's father cancelled the airline tickets. No visit. At all. Yeah, he's not winning Father of the Year, but lucky us! We get to enjoy the turmoil Beau Hunk inflicts on D2 for two more whole months. We are all certain it will be a pleasurable 61 days.

Event #3: The young couple is blissfully happy for a brief period.

Event #4: Beau Hunk breaks up with D2 for the 17th time. De-friends both her and D1, so neither of them have access to his FB account. Brilliant on his part. His FB page is completely public. Regardless, D2 is devastated. The walls in our home shook as she grieved her loss. Again.

D2 is hopeful the relationship is once again salvageable. She is still wearing the promise ring. After all, why not go for round 18? Where's the harm in that? It seems to be the cycle of teen drama.

I can't wait for May.

A Family Milestone: The First Job

As previously posted, over Spring Break, D1 ran into a bit of a money crunch. It’s an awful and helpless realization knowing one of your kids is broke. My brother even asked if he could offer her money. Her grandparents wanted to wire her money, but we made our position clear and no one bailed her out. 

In high school D1 had a couple of families she would babysit for a few times a month. They paid her well....VERY WELL, sometimes to the tune of over $20 per hour. (Luckily, D2 inherited the jig after D1 left for college. She loves the pay, but hates her little wards call her by D1’s name.) However, D1 never held a “real” job. It wasn’t for lack of trying. She filled out job applications, but with the economy in the dumps, retailers weren’t jumping at the opportunity to hire high school students.

When D1 went off to college and we were trying to decide a monthly allowance for her, Doc H and I were at odds with regards to whether or not D1 should work during her freshman year. I worked my freshman year and, in hindsight, it helped with time management, kept me focused, kept me out of too much trouble and helped with my expenses. Hubs disagreed. He wanted to give D1 everything neither of us had in college; an opportunity to fully concentrate on studies. He did not want her to worry about finances or take time away from the books.

I went along with it despite my gut screaming at me, “She’s going to have too much time during this transition and time of NEW-FOUND FREEDOM!!!” But, what could I do? I’m just the step-mom. If it were D3 (my daughter), I would have lowered the boom and made a job a requirement. But, again, it wasn’t my call.

Now, with no extra money to bail her out and her savings dwindling, D1 took it upon herself to get a job. I am so proud of her!  It is a family milestone-- our first kid with a real job! One step closer to independence! She was giddy with excitement when she called with the news she would be working 3 nights a week as a restaurant hostess close to campus. 

D1 had a meeting with her academic counselor to review her schedule and declare a major. She mentioned she had just secured a part-time job. Her counselor told her that was fantastic. In fact, he told her college students tend to do better in school when they are working. She shared this information with Hubs.

Imagine my disbelief upon hearing Doc H (Mister "I don't think D1 should have to get a job and worry about money") share all this news with my father, and at the end, tag on, “I think it’ll be really good for her to be working. It will help keep her focused on her studies.”

Somebody help me pick my jaw up off the floor, would ‘ya?Oh, how I wanted to scream, “EXCUSE ME???!!!!! I’ve been saying she should get a job from the moment we shipped her car out there! Where's my credit? Where's my 'You were right!'” However, I sat there and bit my tongue. This one just wasn’t worth it. In the end, it worked out how I thought it should. I know Hubs realizes it. All I really care about is D1’s success. 

It would be nice if I heard a “You were right", but I'm not going to hold my breath. Hubs brought me flowers on Thursday just like he does almost every Thursday (I'm spoiled, I know). This week I'm calling them my "you were right" flowers. He just doesn't know it. But, who cares? It works for me!

Self-Prescribed Retail Therapy: Apple's Ipad 3

The weekend packed quite a punch around here. I'll go in sequential order...

• My father had been visiting his family out of the country for 2 months. His plane was scheduled to arrive at 10pm. It came in at 3am.
• D3 had to be at a track meet at 7am.
• LB had a sleep-over birthday party at noon.
• D2's Beau Hunk was scheduled to fly out Saturday. For reasons Doc H and I are still scratching our heads about, he will be in town for another TWO months.
• D1 called from college begging for our help. Doc H clearly stated over 3 weeks ago a list of action items which needed to be completed before receiving anymore help from us. She failed to comply. She was hoping she could sweet talk Daddy into doing it like before. Apparently she forgot all about her Spring break gone bad.
• Hubs spent HOURS talking to D2 in private, counseling her and trying to get her to see the big picture with regards to her relationship with Beau Hunk. She mentally exhausted him.
• Then Hubs spent an inexplicable amount of time on the phone with D1, reprimanding her for not following through with their agreement.

After all that (plus a call from the on-call attending with regards to a ruptured triple A), Hubs had nothing left to give us. He was irritated and tired. He couldn't even bring himself to enjoy our green shamrock shakes and green cupcakes, all made by D3, or watch a movie with us on PPV.

I asked if I could do anything to help. He calmly said, "No, I'm just so frustrated and irritated."

Ok. I guess I'll just watch the movie with the teens.

I watch him go upstairs. I see him come downstairs and out to the garage. An hour later, we're still watching the movie. I'm sitting in the same exact spot as when I last saw him. I see him walk upstairs with a package in his hand.... Could it be? Is it?

Well, yes, it is...

Apple touts the new IPad 3 has Retina display, 5MP camera, and Ultrafast 4G LTE technology.  I need to add another incredible capability the Ipad 3 possesses...

Mood Enhancer.

Since that little piece of technology has made it's way into our home, it been all smiles and "Oh, wow"s, "Honey, check this out...do you have this app on your Ipad?"

I LOVE seeing Hubs smile!

Thank you, Steve Jobs. What a difference an Ipad 3 makes.